The Last to Know

When you kiss me,
Cher,
They'll be the last to know.

Don't listen to what they say.
We're not weird.
They are.
As if waiting
Was wrong.

Remember how I mentioned
That I'm not so good
At the talking serious in person?
I think I should mention,
It's not like
All of me doesn't want you
To kiss me.
It's just that bit that suggests
Wait.
It would be my first kiss.
And that is not something
I take lightly.

He had a point.
When the time is right,
You won't have to ask.

To the Tune of "Lollipop"

Go away, Voldemort,
I'll tell you why,
If you kiss me then I'm gonna die.
And when you cast
That killing curse,
Man I'll tell you dying hurts.

Locker Trouble

I hate my locker.
In opening it,
I lost the feel of your hand
In mine,
I lost the soft rememberence
Of skin on skin.
The brief moment was lost
With the ring of the bell
And the turning of a dial.
But if I lay down my pencil,
And let my hand remember,
I can still feel you,
Still touch you,
Even though far away.

Gretna's Primetime Show Choir Competiton

I am so tired.
And I am in so much pain.
But 6th is worth it.

Aren't You Damn Lucky

I was sitting quietly at the table,
Eating pizza
(customary forensic tournament food).
With many of my friends.
There was talk
But it was mostly theirs.

This one friend of mine,
She was complaining,
As she had been all day,
About this boy,
Who goes to different school
In a city an hour's drive away,
Who she had a fling with through forensics
She was moaning
About how he said their relationship
"was a mistake"
And she
"wasn't girlfriend material."

If it had been three days ago,
Or a different friend
(who hadn't been rehashing this all day),
I would've reacted
Kinder.
I would've comforted her,
Boulstered her up,
And tore him down.

But I didn't.

"Well aren't you damn lucky
(Pardon the language)
That's all you've got to complain about today.
My cousin just died recently.
Eighteen with muscular distrophy
And the dreams he could've accomplished through God
Are dust.
Aren't you damn lucky
(Pardon the language)
That you're alive,
Your family's alive,
And you have use of every bit of the body
God gave you.
Aren't you damn lucky
(Pardon the language)
That you get to be here,
Instead of breathing only with help,
Instead of in a coffin.
Aren't you damn lucky
(Pardon the language)
That you can do whatever you set your mind to.
Set your body to.

My cousin is dead
But oh,
I'm sorry.
You're having boy troubles.
Just another failed teenage relationship.
That puts my pain into perspective,
Doesn't it?"

No, reader,
You're right.
That kind of standing up for yourself
Only happens in Disney sitcoms.
Rather,
I sat there in silence
And prayed to God
She'd never feel my pain.

he was going to fly

he was going to fly.
that's all i could think
when i heard he was gone.

he was going to fly.
i can remember
sitting in the basement with him,
playing that flight simulation.
me
with use of all four limbs
i couldn't keep that stupid plane
in the air for more than a minute
and i crashed the pixelated machine.
but he
he flew it perfectly
around the monitor.
all over.
and landed it like a dream.

HE WAS GOING TO FLY, GOD!
HE WAS GOING TO FLY!
AND I WANT TO CURSE
AND SCREAM
AND FLY AROUND MY ROOM IN A RAGE!
CENSORING GROWS HARDER WITH PAIN!
I JUST WANT TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM
but i won't.
keep some decency.
some dignity.
screw you,
5 stages of grief.
i only have three.
and not in your pre-packaged order.
screw you.
as if telling me about it in some
ridiculous public education class
ahead of time
will make it any easier.
but this isn't about me.
it's about him.

he was going to fly.

i suppose he's flying now.
with you.
and walking,
running,
dancing,
breathing all on his own.
and
i suppose that's all i can ask of you.
better i suppose.
still hurts.
still pains.
and
i want to talk to a friend
but
but
how do i pretend i'm ok?
how do i pretend i'm not acheing
for a cousin i wish i'd known better?
how do i pretend
pixel smilies
and typed hugs
will make me feel better?

he was going to fly.
he couldn't drive.
he could barely walk.
but he was going to fly.

he was going to fly.

The Future

The future
Is always on my mind.
How can it not be?
I'm balancing on the knife edge
Between childhood
And adulthood.
I'm debating colleges,
Thinking over careers,
And falling in love.
Every little decision,
Every little mistake,
Matters.
So when I let go,
I always come crashing back.
It's so hard
To relinquish things you don't know,
Don't understand,
Into the hands of God.

Back to School

It's back to school.
Back to learning.
No more sleeping in.
Easier to connect with friends
But less time to do so.
New classes?
Maybe.
New fun?
Most assuredly.

New Years

New Year wishes
To all of you.
To the whole world.
Live life well.
Don't be afraid to fall
Because there is Some One
Who can pick you up
If you let Him.
Spend time with friends
This new year,
Cultivate relationships.
Improve yourself,
Improve your life.
This is a new year.
And if it need be,
A new you.
2011,
Here I come.