Go

I am exhasted.
And annoyed.
(I mean,
Have you paid attention to the news?
I don't think I'll be flying anymore,
I like my privacy
Thank you very much.)

But,
That was one of the few
Energetic moments of the day.
I scrounged some up for show choir.
But otherwise
I was just...
There.
A heartbeat.

And it bums me out
That the one person
Who could brighten my day
Is hours away.
I just want to limp into your arms,
Let loose with my tears,
And forget the world.

But go.
Go be brilliant.
Have fun,
Forget about me for a weekend.
Let me
Take care of you for once.

Go.
This is your moment of glory,
Your blaze.
Light up.
Shine,
Let the world see what I do.

I'm a damsel.
I'm in distress.
But I've got God.
We can handle it.
Go.

Anxiety Attack

So, you're off to All-State.
Another weekend I'll spend without you.
I finally read your "Brick Wall" conversation.
Stupid slow computer.
I love you.
To think I won't see those eyes
For a whole weekend
And that an anxiety attack
Stole from me
The last time to see you before you leave,
I almost want to cry.

One thing I didn't tell my dad
About my breakdown yesterday
Is that you were the one thing on my mind
As I lay on the ground feeling nothing
But pain.

I was laughing with irony inside,
Seeing as the one time a lifeguard was needed,
It was the lifeguard in trouble,
And you weren't there either.
I was reminded
That you can't save me.
But God can.

And it kills me inside
That you won't accept His help,
His Love.

Dear God,

Sometimes I think You're the only One
Who reads these.
But that's okay.
If some needs these poems,
I pray they stumble across them.

If he's wrestling with demons,
I pray you protect him.
If he's hurting,
I pray you heal him.

I also pray for my small group leader,
That she'd find a good school,
A good job,
A man after Your Heart, too.

And you know what?
I pray for the whole world.
Because we need it.

Amen.

You're Back

You're back!
Ah,
I feel whole again.
Your words sent me spiraling
Into a feeling I cannot stop.
And do I want it do?
Not so much.
I just wish you could love God.

I don't see why not.
I mean, you want to be loved,
yes?
Well, I will fail you
(And you'll fail me).
But God won't.
He never has.
That's all a person needs,
God's Love.
Live for God.

To die for someone means one thing.
To live for them is another thing entirely.

Forget Hugs

Tomorrow is Monday.
School.
Whee.
I feel so unprepared.
But that's what little sleep
Can do to a person.

I hope you'll be there.
I've gone a little,
Crazy.
Here am I,
Realist,
And I can't get you
Out of my poems.

I feel like saying:
Forget hugs,
I'm going to tackle you
The next time I see your face.
But,
I won't.
Because I also feel like Juliet.
Like this is too crazy,
To real
To be real now.

Why can't love make sense?
And why can't you love God?
We would be the happiest people on earth!
Navarre and Isabeau
Westly and Buttercup
Would have nothing on us!

Forget hugs.
The next time I see your face,
I'm loving you like God.

Call me Beatrice

Much Ado About Nothing
has always been my favorite
Shakespeare work.
And the film,
With Emma Thompson,
does it justice
though abridged.

I've always wanted to play Beatrice.
Witty and clever,
Benedick's one flaw.

And lately,
I was reminded of a quote.
It's from the Prince,
I believe,
Speaking of Beatrice
To Leonato and Claudio,
While Benedick evesdrops,
In a ploy to make the aforementioned fool
Realize his love for Beatrice
(While Beatrice's friends
Lay the same trap for Beatrice).

"She will die if he loves her not
And she will die if she make her love known."

I would've died if you didn't love me.
And now,
I'm dying that we've both confessed.

Curse this thing called Love.
I've gone crazy,
Gone insane.
Loss of sleep,
Loss of rationality.
I haven't done any of my homework.

I am drowning in unsaid words,
Unexpressed hopes.
And I need you,
Your eyes, your ears.
I don't quite know if I could say
The things that are raging in my mind.
Just know they are there.
And dying to get to you.