Until My Body Breaks

I have two bruises on my ankles,
One apiece.
My right hand is scratched up
And both are clammy,
Smelling of metal.
My spine creaks with each breath,
Adjusting with each take of air.
My shoulders, quads ache
Along with the pads of my feet.

But I want to keep running,
Around and around
Until my lungs burst,
My body breaks,
And soul stops bleeding.

I don't want to take this exam,
But this too shall pass.
I'm stuggling,
But this too shall pass.
I'm fighting,
But this too shall pass.
I'm fading,
But I too shall pass.

I wake up
And swallow down tears
Because there are things to be done,
Problems to solve,
And there's enough water
On the ground already.
I will not
Drown in my own ocean.

At 9:15,
I broke my own heart.
Shattered it in two.

I've never been good
At cutting things.
My wrapping paper has never been straight.
The thread and yarn once trimmed
Would be just as frayed as before.

So it's no surprise that rather than a clean break,
We splintered.

But you don't have to be happy
To be happy you're alive
And shattered, unique edges
Make the puzzle easier to put together.

I guess.

I hope.

I pray.

Fury of Winter

The fury of winter
Blazes outside
As I am curled up
Warm and safe indoors
With tea
And good company.

Yet I cannot help
But notice how the weather
Reflects my inmost mood,
However bright and cheerful
My visage and yellow socks
Make me seem.

I'm losing my best friend
(Who's more)
To pain and conflict
And problems that can't
Be resolved to any
Semblance of satisfaction.

Oh, forgive me
For bringing the storm
I see outside into our hearts.
It will be a long time
Before my muse
Loses ice blue eyes.

I'm trying to sew up
The gaping holes
I'm shooting
Into my own heart.

But it seems
As though I end up
Ripping out the stitches
Again and again.

I can't find a way
To sooth the aches
In all souls.

And so the hole
Grows wider, deeper,
Larger, and sadder.

There are many cracks.
I can sense a break coming.
I'm so scared of it.