There were times
When I didn't hate myself
On any level.

I hardly remember them.

Especially now,
Mid-growth,
I can hardly see the sky
For the thorns.

But I know it's there.
I've seen the blue.
And one day
I'll make roses bloom.

Until then,
I'll keep pulling thorns.

Water Fills the Glass

Water fills the shape
Of the glass it's poured into,
And so when the glass
Disappears
The water will have to make
Its own shape
Though it will always carry
The imprint of the glass
Within its memory.

It's embarassing
How much reminds me
Of him,
And yet it's
How it should be.
His name is naturally
The one I reach for
On Douglas Adam's birthday
Or after Nerf Russian Roulette.
And it's a good thing
I can predict his reactions
Since he's taking distance
To heal.
But I hope he knows
That banjos don't make me smile
Just because they're banjos.

It's strange
To think that,
For the last time,
You've taken off
A pair of shoes
You've worn so well
And worn so long.

Five years
Is a lifetime
For shoes,
Especially dancing shoes
That have seen the stage
And countless
Formal events.

And now,
They are likely done,
Tucked away
After years of valor.
So I must say goodbye
To things I didn't know
I loved until now.

I shall say nothing.
I am excellent at keeping secrets,
Holding my ace of spades
Until the last moment.

I will share my own pain,
Perhaps,
Tempered with the distilling water
Called fear and pride.

But you can bet your last dollar
That I shall guard your woes,
While I try to heal them,
Until the day I die.

Until My Body Breaks

I have two bruises on my ankles,
One apiece.
My right hand is scratched up
And both are clammy,
Smelling of metal.
My spine creaks with each breath,
Adjusting with each take of air.
My shoulders, quads ache
Along with the pads of my feet.

But I want to keep running,
Around and around
Until my lungs burst,
My body breaks,
And soul stops bleeding.

I don't want to take this exam,
But this too shall pass.
I'm stuggling,
But this too shall pass.
I'm fighting,
But this too shall pass.
I'm fading,
But I too shall pass.