I'm carrying a mug of tea home.
I've definitely spilled some on my hands,
Even down my pant leg.
Sure,
It burns,
But there's something about the steam
And how it's curling up into the cold air.
Forget the pain.
The beauty was worth it.

Whene'er I sing
"The Parting Glass,"
I know I've made myself a liar.

For I sing that all the harm
I've ever done
Was only ever to me.

But I think of a boy
With ice blue eyes
And hair as fine as silk

And know I dealt
A painful,
Parting,
blow.

I'm so lost,
displaced,
without any drive
to get back to
where I was.

I want to go,
And be free.

But the desire to succeed
is weighted down by
something black and cold.

The night blurs.
I'm not sure in what order
Everything happened.
But that's how I always am.
A little application
Of bourbon and ale
Didn't exacerbate habits.

The laughter of friends
Overpowers any memory
Of the semi-educational show
That was playing in the background.
I was much more interested
In the smiles painting
Each present human's face.

I remember the end in vivid detail.
All of us,
Turned toward the screen finally.
I remember losing my fingers
In his hair
When he sat at my feet
And leaned back.
These absentminded movements
Became intentional
When he leaned into them like a cat.
I remember when I first
Brushed his lips on accident,
And how he wordlessly
Invited me to do it again.
My hands drifted down his neck,
Across his shoulders and back.
I hope I provided some relief.

I remember when,
As one hand returned
To draw across his face once more,
He kissed my fingers,
Drawing them between his lips
Like one might a lover.

Funny How the Times Change

a teetotaler
and pacifist
gave me this mug
and i filled it
with ale
and tears.

I Cannot Take from You

You do not get my energy.
Not anymore.
Not when I am already
So tired.
      How can I spend such a valuable resource
               so liberally on you?

You give little back,
Only smiles and laughter.

When the darkness comes
You are far away,
       insulated by your books and schoolwork
                                         in a tower where I dare not cast
                  my little cries.
You say you want to give me time
But how can I ask for it
When you seem barely free
                                             to ask for mine?

I want to give,
And give without restraint.
But to do so,
                    I have to take.

For whatever reason,
I cannot take from you.

I want him to confront me.
I want just a hint
That he might notice
More than the part I play.
I want a confrontation
Because those always lead
To character development
And stunning revelations.
I want him to stop
Believing the white lies
And to throw them back
At my deceiving face.

I want him to care.

I want his love.

But I can't ask for it.

I'm not good enough to do so.