Pieces of my Days

His name is still the one
Written on my lips.
It's his image still
Etched on my heart.
But I am slowly,
Bit by bit,
Filling him off.
And as I file him away,
I know it's for
My own health,
Yet also because
There's another name
Painting my life with
Swaths of his colors,
Initialing pieces of my days.

Captivated and caught
By beauty I want to deny.
This year eases the weight
I once labored under.
It still rests upon me
Yet this year I can smile.
Perhaps it is because
I have been taught to sass,
Taught to speak up,
By friends braver than I.

I'm craving his words.
I'm craving some escape
From this reality I live in.
I am overcome,
Even two weeks out,
With the desire to return
Back to school and classes.
Even there,
As I am driven slowly insane
By paper after paper,
At least that repetition
Is not drudgery
And leads me towards
A higher goal.

For fear of seeming desperate,
I hold my tongue.
I stay back
And wither under the weight
Of a job I can no longer stand.

A hawk cried.
Even I,
     Sitting halfway
     Between indoors
     And out,
Could not help
But feel my spirit
                                 Lift
With the keen
Of a sky-borne predator.  

I was alright.
And then in a flash,
I wasn't.
All that could have been
All that was,
Hit me suddenly
And without warning.
Pain washed over me,
Tinged with sadness.
Yet through some effort,
Some power
From some where,
I turned all that hurt
Into a bittersweet happy.
Don't ask how,
For I'm not sure
How I can smile
While looking at a face
That's lost to me
Smiling with another.

It takes a bravery
To stand up and say
"I am grown.
I will solve this.
I will try my hardest."
It will still hurt
To force yourself
Into a new mold,
A new way to think
And act as someone mature.
But hey,
Now I have two
New job interviews.
This maturity thing
Totes paid off. ;)

Let your words roll over me.
I want to be wooed,
And wooed by you.
I'll stitch you a conversation,
A poem,
If you like,
But you'll have to grow
The sentences yourself.