The year ends
and I almost contemplate failure,
the things I nearly left undone,
the things I still have to do.
The year ends,
and I think of what will soon be done,
the things not yet assigned
that I can't wait to complete.

The pressure to write,
to fill in blanks,
That I might complete
The only resolution I've only been able to complete
for multiple years in a row.
To write more than last year,
than the year before that,
It gets a little harder
As life changes
and a style drifts away
from what worked so well before.

Driving all day
To leave family behind.
It's been lovely,
to see faces I only see
once a year-
twice if I'm lucky-
And to know the future meetings
Are growing less in number.

But this is how the world works.
You must work
To keep people in your life.
So we'll drive all ten hours
To spend one precious weekend
Sitting at the same table
As those that share our last name
and family tree.

They're here-
Or I'm there-
Gathered together
To be family
And enjoy our holidays.
The gift exchange hardly matters
Since we're together.

Family to look after me,
Family to care for in turn,
This is Christmas.
As we celebrate a Light,
A birth from long ago,
Love shines onward.

Too tired,
And ill
To be festive
Even as I long
To be joyous
And triumphant.
I should sleep,
Eat well,
But I don't
Have the energy.

I miss being desired,
That little touch
That let me be special
Just for a moment.

I miss being wanted
And longed for,
Some one somebody
Missed, even just
From time to time.

I have little courage
To desire my own company.
Could you possibly
Show me how?