My joy
is built upon
seeing cardinals
and the smell of petrichor.

It's alright,
my friend.
I know I am broken.
I have been made aware
of just how much recently.
I am trying to build myself back up
because no matter how many times
you say it was all on you
I would have broken up with me, too.
I don't like me yet.
Maybe I will someday.

They say humans need
eight pos'tive touches a day.
Today I had none.

I apologize,
again.

I am so used to building my own pyre
I never thought
someone would want their own
instead of burning me.

I guess we both have wings of molten wax
we desperately need to fly.

I am so used to ripping myself apart
in service to others,
expecting
and receiving little in return,

that of course I am stuck
on the one person who said,
"I am selfish,
and cannot give you what you deserve.
I will not do this to you."

Of course I am stuck
on the one person
who realizes they will take and take
but will not give,
what I know I can survive,
and so they do as I would.

I would not do this to me,
and yet he has.

I am so gone.

To the Author

Get your life together, girl.

B R E A T H E

It may be
the last week of classes
and every deadline
is pressing down
meanwhile Stage Manager duties
kicked in earlier than you thought.

Doesn't matter.

You've survived worse
and will survive greater.
You can
(after all,
the Lord Almighty
is on your side).

Keep playing at being okay.
Dive into that role
with no hesitations.
Tell yourself
that lie
enough times
and it will become true.

You've done this before
and it has worked.
I believe in you,
and that it will work again.

A Drunk Poem to the man that was my "This One"

It's 2am,
and I want to text you.

I'm more than a little drunk-
on both champagne and friendship-
so inhibitions are lowered.

but i won't.

I won't tear from you
the time you need to
h e a l
from whatever
w o u n d s
I dealt.
Or maybe the only one who dealt them was
y o u.

that might be the gin talking,
so i apologize.

why aren't things right?
why do you have to be such a noble bastard
and deny me
the self-sacrificing ways to which I am accustomed?

I would make my pyre
out of
y o u
and not shed a tear
should flames lick my skin
as long as
y o u
had lit the fire.