I wake up
And swallow down tears
Because there are things to be done,
Problems to solve,
And there's enough water
On the ground already.
I will not
Drown in my own ocean.

At 9:15,
I broke my own heart.
Shattered it in two.

I've never been good
At cutting things.
My wrapping paper has never been straight.
The thread and yarn once trimmed
Would be just as frayed as before.

So it's no surprise that rather than a clean break,
We splintered.

But you don't have to be happy
To be happy you're alive
And shattered, unique edges
Make the puzzle easier to put together.

I guess.

I hope.

I pray.

Fury of Winter

The fury of winter
Blazes outside
As I am curled up
Warm and safe indoors
With tea
And good company.

Yet I cannot help
But notice how the weather
Reflects my inmost mood,
However bright and cheerful
My visage and yellow socks
Make me seem.

I'm losing my best friend
(Who's more)
To pain and conflict
And problems that can't
Be resolved to any
Semblance of satisfaction.

Oh, forgive me
For bringing the storm
I see outside into our hearts.
It will be a long time
Before my muse
Loses ice blue eyes.

I'm trying to sew up
The gaping holes
I'm shooting
Into my own heart.

But it seems
As though I end up
Ripping out the stitches
Again and again.

I can't find a way
To sooth the aches
In all souls.

And so the hole
Grows wider, deeper,
Larger, and sadder.

There are many cracks.
I can sense a break coming.
I'm so scared of it.

What do you do
When your head and heart
Disagree?

Which do you choose?
Reason or passion?
For a world of pure reason
Is cold and unfeeling,
Yet a world of pure passion
Becomes chaos and violence.

And when it's a matter of the heart?
Do you trust the heart?
Or discount its vote since,
After all,
No man may be judge in his own case?

Deciding between them
Should not be this hard.
But then again,
I'm not sure what they're saying.

I flew out
So swiftly
So final
And yet I want
To crawl back,
Limping,
Bleeding,
Crying,
For what reasons
I don't know.

Because I can't
Actually be that cruel?
Because I just
Can't sleep
And for so long
You were my refuge?
Are my refuge?

Did I destroy that
In my own pain
That I can't even
Understand?

I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry
That I will sit here
Doing nothing but
Waiting
Until I think you have
Gone yourself.

And then,
I return.
But there is nothing there.
And so the loneliness
And guilt crush in.

For Andrew

Keep it real,
You banana-wielding fiend.
You're an urban explorer,
A tough mudder.
Now,
Pound it!

He is so studious
And works quite hard
But always finds the time
To listen to me
Or to others.

And she is so bubbly,
So bright and beautiful.
She is helpful
And sweet yet she can be
Sneaky and conniving.

They're my pair
Of dirty blonds.

Honest as the Day is Long

Speak it how it is,
Tell it how it was writ.
Be as straight an arrow,
Honest as the day is long
And the night is cool.

Be how you are,
Mes amis,
Keep breaking those hearts
You never realized
Wanted yours.

Honesty, bluntness,
It keeps one part of the world
Sane,
And lets me feel a little more
Inspired to stop living the world
As a stage.

In the Secret Parts of Fortune

The pair of them
Are as honest
As thieves.
As trustable
As adders fanged.

Or are they?
Are the more
Trapped like mice?
Lost as bread crumbs?

Poor fools,
Crawling between earth
And heaven,
As cunning minds
Draw the noose around them.

Snow keeps coming.
Little by little
It piles up
And drives us
Farther and farther indoors.

I don't want to go
Anywhere today.
Which is handy,
Since I have a paper
To bust out.

To work!