It's easy for me to laugh.
I find such depth of simple joy
In so many things
I will live forever
Should laughter really add life.
Perhaps that is why I seek his company.
It so easy for him to make me laugh.
I can feel my days stretching onward
With every silly pun
And blood-sugar induced insanity.
I will make him laugh, too...
It was a dark and stormy night,
It was a bright and balmy day,
(At the same time!)
When the dragon came to call!
DWAIN was large.
DWAIN was fearsome.
DWAIN also liked to take long walks on the beach, save his red M&M's for the Anti-Pacifist that lived on top of the mountain drinking the dew of the universe, and eat those little chocolate candies that are covered in nuts or something and come wrapped in that gold foil that everyone hates to rip so it takes super long to unwrap them but it is always gloriously worth it and don't try to say it's not.
Now, the Dragon Without An Interesting Name and his gummy worm soldiers
(Don't laugh,
They're scary,
Even only if you can't eat more than one at once)
Were on the hunt.
They victimized the villages!
They terrorized the towns!
They catastrophized the cities!
Could their hunger ever be satisfied?
But one brave and handsome traveler
Stood up before the fleet.
His face was washed;
His hair was brushed;
His suit was clean and neat
(His trusty iron frying pan
Lay at his dusty feet).
"Are you a Burglar?" shouted the giant dragon
(He hadn't quite learned to use his inside voice).
"I'm too tall to be a burglar," replied the traveler.
"Oh yeah," boomed the dragon. "I lost my sister's father's best friend's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate to a burglar once."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Thanks!" the dragon yelled. "Now I'm going to eat you!"
The large DWAIN lunged,
But the traveler didn't move a muscle.
He looked so cool
(Even without aviator sunglasses)
DWAIN had to pause mid-attack.
"I respect you, traveler," DWAIN bellowed. "So I will let you challenge me to keep your life.
Here, I think one of my soldiers has a sword you can borrow..."
"No, dragon," the traveler intoned with a sage vocal timbre.
He bent down slowly,
Heightening the dramatic tension,
And picked up his frying pan.
"I challenge you to cook beans!"
A gummy worm shouted "begin,"
And the field was all a flutter.
The gummy worms ran about in panic;
Many wished for beds of butter.
DWAIN scrambled about madly.
How was he to find some beans?
But the traveler sat down calmly
And polished his frying pan to a sheen.
Chaos had descended upon those that brought it
As DWAIN couldn't find a single can
Of that protein-laden legumes that come in tin.
But the traveler had no such worries.
He always was prepared
(He would later go on to single-handedly inspire Boy Scouts, Marines, and cat-owners everywhere, but that's a different poem).
He slowly built a fire,
Coaxed the flame to life,
While the soldiers dashed in circles.
They'd later taste like defeat.
DWAIN hollered, raised quite a clamor,
But the traveler merely opened his can
And poured the tasty deliciousness into his pan.
"It's not fair! Where am I supposed to find beans?"
The traveler shrugged. "You said I could challenge you."
As he watched the beans sizzle and pop,
DWAIN grew more and more irate.
"I didn't say-! I didn't say-!"
"Exactly!"
DWAIN started to turn red kinda like a strawberry or tomato but not like you wanted to eat him more like you were very concerned with his health and mental stability as any decent conscious being would be.
He wanted to breath fire (because almost all dragons can. Oh! I forgot to ask DWAIN if he thought it was cool humans can make water in our mouths.)
But he had already agreed to spare the traveler's life if he cooked beans,
So he held in the super hot breath.
When the traveler reached for his fork,
It all became too much to bear.
With a roar,
The Dragon Without An Interesting Name exploded in a puff of red glitter and fire.
A safe distance away,
The traveler shifted around his makeshift cooking pit,
Lifted a forkful of beans,
And murmured quietly, "cool guys don't look at explosions."
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