i should be dancing.
right now.
but i'm not.
and now i am terrified.
because i used to love it,
to love being on the floor
and twirling about
as i pleased
with men who could not
get enough of me.

i don't know if i love it anymore.
i don't know if
what i attend-
or used to-
during the school year
has killed the joy i once had
in summer.
i don't know if
there's a chemical imbalance
growing and growing,
poisoning my life.

a big symptom of depression
is a lack of interest
in passions,
isn't it?