So much time
and effort
wasted,
ruined along with a tire
on the side of the road
and just when I finally
was recapturing
what I lost
it slips through my fingers.
just when i was starting
to make friends.

all these demons
throwing themselves
at a desperate attempt to get out,
to be shrapnel
in an explosion
touched off by the simple denial
of my only constant joy
when I was blocks from satisfaction-
I swallow them down again
with only a few loose cannons
to nick at those I shield.

I could not gather
again
the strength to venture out.
I could not rejoice
in the challenge that would lift my spirits.
So I will curl up in my tears,
an addict denied my fix,
and let the painstakingly applied eyeliner
run down my cheeks.