How tonight went:
-ran lightboard perfectly
-finished ZNMD
-did not talk as much as usual
-show was getting judged and pressure was high
-started Pardes
-finished Pardes
-sat through response slowly fading
-remembered in one flash
what i wanted to forget
-fell to my knees
doubled over
sobbing
in my driveway
-picked myself up
-shut down
-wrote this poem in a friend's kitchen
where i will soon write more
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