I don't count.
I never felt it so hard as now.
I understand all the same.
She's a better singer,
Better musician,
So I know why I don't count.
He's not said hello though,
Not said my name.
Can I just disappear now?
Just vanish into nothing?
For that would be me
Should his opinion shape the world.
I suppose I should be glad
That he is not the end-all.
Yet in this moment,
Lacking skills he values,
I wouldn't mind not being.

Smaug the Hella (For Lauren)

There once was a whiny little bitch of a dragon
Named Smaug the Stupendous.
(He, of course, preferred Smaug the Hella)
And one day, his favorite meal came knocking at his door
(Well, second favorite.
Dwarves are #1 followed closely by humans).

Now, it is still argued to this day
Whether the man wanted to be a hero
Or if he was just stupid.

But when Smaug opened one wide eye,
The human drew his sword and spoke thus:

"Oh mighty dragon,
Your reign of terror is over.
Your mountain of gold I claim.
I also claim your life,
But if you safely carry me to my home
I will let you keep flying."

The dragon chuckled.
"Bitch, my teeth are razors,
My claws are spears,
And my wings are a fucking hurricane!
I ain't no damn carousel!"

The human backed up,
Only now worried.
"Easy there, Sparky.
I just wanted to give you some exercise.
Since, you know,
You've gotten fat."

"You say 'fat'
But all I hear is 'fabulous.'
You made the mistake of thinking
You could take on Smaug the Hella.
I am the greatest dragon ever!
The gold is all mine!"
 
"The universe doesnt revolve around you."

Smaug had only one reply.
"Liar, liar, corpse on fire."

I will burn
Like fire
And roar
As a lioness.
You can't convince me
Otherwise.

What I Cannot Do

Why must we stare
Into the face of our inadequacy?
Into the visage of our failures?
It's not fair,
But life is not.
Later I will kill him,
Stab that forgetting butterfly
Because I can't bear this pain.
Maybe I'll rip off his wings
And laugh.
He forgot me
But can't be bothered
To erase the searing imprint
He left in me.

I wonder what happens
When a trusting person lets
A missionary kid
Into her inner circle,
When he never can put down roots
And she can never uproot hers?

I wish he could have been there,
When the world crashed down.
I wish someone
Could have reached for me
Before the moment turned deadly
And pulled me back to safety.
So when my mind betrayed me,
Drawing my lungs as cruel allies,
I could either breathe too little too fast
Or not at all.
Neither was chosen.
My call for help went answered,
Yet I still wish I had not needed to call.

Some Friday night.
Sitting, covered in homework and projects,
In a room not my own,
No dancing to be done,
And everyone in the same place as me.
I chose this though,
Chose this above all else.
Perhaps this will be good for me.

I am no trickster.
I have no mind for pranks.
That's how it goes,
I suppose.
So I'll not even
Attack him with a paper fish,
Just sit next to him
And cram for this history exam
I'll wake up to tomorrow.

(And that's what you get for the 500th poem)