There once was a whiny little bitch of a dragon
Named Smaug the Stupendous.
(He, of course, preferred Smaug the Hella)
And one day, his favorite meal came knocking at his door
(Well, second favorite.
Dwarves are #1 followed closely by humans).
Now, it is still argued to this day
Whether the man wanted to be a hero
Or if he was just stupid.
But when Smaug opened one wide eye,
The human drew his sword and spoke thus:
"Oh mighty dragon,
Your reign of terror is over.
Your mountain of gold I claim.
I also claim your life,
But if you safely carry me to my home
I will let you keep flying."
The dragon chuckled.
"Bitch, my teeth are razors,
My claws are spears,
And my wings are a fucking hurricane!
I ain't no damn carousel!"
The human backed up,
Only now worried.
"Easy there, Sparky.
I just wanted to give you some exercise.
Since, you know,
You've gotten fat."
"You say 'fat'
But all I hear is 'fabulous.'
You made the mistake of thinking
You could take on Smaug the Hella.
I am the greatest dragon ever!
The gold is all mine!"
"The universe doesnt revolve around you."
Smaug had only one reply.
"Liar, liar, corpse on fire."
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