My Protector

My protector,
My defender,
Even when I don't think
I need it,
I'm FINE already,

Thank you.

Just,
Just watch over my heart.
'Cause just me
Isn't good enough anymore.
Stupid thing.

From My Soul to Your Ears

I feel like my very heart
Has been rendered in two.
LORD,
If this is a test,
Pass me already!
I cannot stand my pain
And to watch his
Is unbearable.
How do You do it?

From my lips,
Nay,
From my soul
To Your ears,
LORD,
Save him!
Save me!
Remember your children!
Remember the two hearts crying out in the night
For You.

There Are Many Things

There are many things I want to say,
Sweet nothings
I wish to whisper in your ear
For you alone.
And quite a few French.

But I hold my tongue.
After all,
What's the point of giving you my heart
When while you lack God
I'd have to take it away again.

If anyone could make me a better person,
It's you.
You've brought me closer to God.
I needed Someone to lean on
Who won't ever fail me.

His Love is greater than yours,
And will never fail.
So as much as it pains me,
I'll choose Him first.
Even though I love you like no other mortal.

There are many things I want to say,
Sweet nothings
To whisper in your ear.
The one important thing:
God loves you.

Thanksgiving

"Give thanks to the LORD,
Our God and King,
His Love endures forever."

Look at all you have,
Look at all your blessings.
Give thanks.
America is awesome.

I'm sitting in bed.
Losing Solitaire badly.
Waiting a response.

Harry Potter

For some reason,
This weekend without you,
I've been saner.
Perhaps it was Harry Potter.
After all,
Seeing the epic part one
Of the end
Can steal anyone's attention.
I just wish you could've come with me.

I also thought I'd let you know
That while I teared up
At all the normal places,
I most wanted to cry
Whenever Sirus Black was mentioned.

Go

I am exhasted.
And annoyed.
(I mean,
Have you paid attention to the news?
I don't think I'll be flying anymore,
I like my privacy
Thank you very much.)

But,
That was one of the few
Energetic moments of the day.
I scrounged some up for show choir.
But otherwise
I was just...
There.
A heartbeat.

And it bums me out
That the one person
Who could brighten my day
Is hours away.
I just want to limp into your arms,
Let loose with my tears,
And forget the world.

But go.
Go be brilliant.
Have fun,
Forget about me for a weekend.
Let me
Take care of you for once.

Go.
This is your moment of glory,
Your blaze.
Light up.
Shine,
Let the world see what I do.

I'm a damsel.
I'm in distress.
But I've got God.
We can handle it.
Go.

Anxiety Attack

So, you're off to All-State.
Another weekend I'll spend without you.
I finally read your "Brick Wall" conversation.
Stupid slow computer.
I love you.
To think I won't see those eyes
For a whole weekend
And that an anxiety attack
Stole from me
The last time to see you before you leave,
I almost want to cry.

One thing I didn't tell my dad
About my breakdown yesterday
Is that you were the one thing on my mind
As I lay on the ground feeling nothing
But pain.

I was laughing with irony inside,
Seeing as the one time a lifeguard was needed,
It was the lifeguard in trouble,
And you weren't there either.
I was reminded
That you can't save me.
But God can.

And it kills me inside
That you won't accept His help,
His Love.

Dear God,

Sometimes I think You're the only One
Who reads these.
But that's okay.
If some needs these poems,
I pray they stumble across them.

If he's wrestling with demons,
I pray you protect him.
If he's hurting,
I pray you heal him.

I also pray for my small group leader,
That she'd find a good school,
A good job,
A man after Your Heart, too.

And you know what?
I pray for the whole world.
Because we need it.

Amen.

You're Back

You're back!
Ah,
I feel whole again.
Your words sent me spiraling
Into a feeling I cannot stop.
And do I want it do?
Not so much.
I just wish you could love God.

I don't see why not.
I mean, you want to be loved,
yes?
Well, I will fail you
(And you'll fail me).
But God won't.
He never has.
That's all a person needs,
God's Love.
Live for God.

To die for someone means one thing.
To live for them is another thing entirely.

Forget Hugs

Tomorrow is Monday.
School.
Whee.
I feel so unprepared.
But that's what little sleep
Can do to a person.

I hope you'll be there.
I've gone a little,
Crazy.
Here am I,
Realist,
And I can't get you
Out of my poems.

I feel like saying:
Forget hugs,
I'm going to tackle you
The next time I see your face.
But,
I won't.
Because I also feel like Juliet.
Like this is too crazy,
To real
To be real now.

Why can't love make sense?
And why can't you love God?
We would be the happiest people on earth!
Navarre and Isabeau
Westly and Buttercup
Would have nothing on us!

Forget hugs.
The next time I see your face,
I'm loving you like God.

Call me Beatrice

Much Ado About Nothing
has always been my favorite
Shakespeare work.
And the film,
With Emma Thompson,
does it justice
though abridged.

I've always wanted to play Beatrice.
Witty and clever,
Benedick's one flaw.

And lately,
I was reminded of a quote.
It's from the Prince,
I believe,
Speaking of Beatrice
To Leonato and Claudio,
While Benedick evesdrops,
In a ploy to make the aforementioned fool
Realize his love for Beatrice
(While Beatrice's friends
Lay the same trap for Beatrice).

"She will die if he loves her not
And she will die if she make her love known."

I would've died if you didn't love me.
And now,
I'm dying that we've both confessed.

Curse this thing called Love.
I've gone crazy,
Gone insane.
Loss of sleep,
Loss of rationality.
I haven't done any of my homework.

I am drowning in unsaid words,
Unexpressed hopes.
And I need you,
Your eyes, your ears.
I don't quite know if I could say
The things that are raging in my mind.
Just know they are there.
And dying to get to you.

Home

I'm looking out a window,
Staring at lights
That remind me of a place
I don't ache for anymore.

It used to be home.
I used to dream of returning,
Triumphant and changed,
Ready to better it.

But I seem to have left
Those dreams behind me.
I don't seem to mind so much,
For this is my home now.

I've found it in the snowy winters,
The rainy springs, the community
But most of all,
I've found home in you.

Fools

It's true what they say.
We're all fools in love.
I've said and done many things
I wish I could take back,
And they all revolve around you.

Snow

First snow fell tonight.
And you missed it,
Up north where the probably is
A light dusting already.

Augh!
All my poems have taken a tone
I'm not familular with:
Lovesick.

Even as rain falls
Turning to snow
I can only think of you.
Is this love?
Is it here for a day
Or forever?

Oh,
When will I go back to my old poetry,
Deep thinking on all sorts of
Philosophy?
When will I reclaim my old,
Faceless muse
Instead of one
With clear blue eyes
And entrancing smile?

Will I ever marvel at snow again?

I wanted to Call you

I'm listening to one of your bands,
Staring blankly at my phone.
It's 11:11 on 11/11.
You told me once you wish you'd waited
For this day,
This time,
To tell me your heart,
Because things may have been differnt.

They wouldn't have been.

But at 11:11 on 11/11
I missed you more than anyone I have.
It's because you told me your heart.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So at 11:11 on 11/11
I didn't make a wish.
My heart emitted a silent prayer,
Silent cry.
For you.
From my soul to God's ears,
That you would be His,
And then mine.

I almost called you.
I wanted to.
I would've called you
And if you'd've picked up
Or if it'd gone to voicemail
I would've said:
I love you
And check your e-mail
Because your wish
Came half true.

"Tell me that you'll open your eyes."

You're Elsewhere

You're elsewhere.
Up north,
Adventuring with your family.
And I'm here.
Wandering sadly through the school hallways
Singing a sad song
Whenever I think of you,
Obessively checking my email address that only you have.
I want you to be mine
All mine.
But God's first.

Oh,
When I hug you
I never want to leave your arms
Much less share with your other friends.
But I must resist
And let go.

Constant

Staying strong is hard to do.
To be Constant
To be Consistant.
For I am,
Humainity is,
Like the wind,
Like water,
Always changing,
Always moving.
So holding on it tricky to do.
Staying strong.
Continuing to say no.

It's November

Welcome to fall.
Winter is knocking.
Time to curl up
And forget the world.
The musical has closed.