I want to say things.
I want to explain.
I want to open up
and be a functioning human being
when it matters
for at least once in this life.

When I try,
The words get stuck in my throat,
Catching there,
Begging to be set free
yet held back from a tightening,
Frightening,
Constriction of everything
that runs between my gut
and my common sense,
A stranglehold of anxiety
refusing to let go.

I suffocate under my own power
before I let someone
close enough
to do the job themselves.