To my 'This One'

I apologize,
good sir,
for not being affectionate
in ways others look for such emotion.

I have always been private-
sharing a lot with only a few-
and have always been unsure,
confused as to the rules of affection
and displays of it.

(You may notice,
however,
that whenever I can
I hand to you
that tea you so adore)

I long to keep this precious thing betwixt us
precious,
and ours,
because I don't know the rules-
or think I don't, anyway-
and I'm so bad at communicating
when I can't craft for you
sentences and phrases that spin
off the page and meander through minds
as I say two things at once.

I never learned affection
in gestures and touches.
I learned to do things,
to say them however poorly the words come out.

Words I am writing for you,
saying to you,
will always be yours.
I will have a mug for you
without your even asking.
(Talk about it enough
and it might sometimes be coffee)

Even if the poetic style shifts,
you will know when the words are yours.