I am just
weary

a morning at the dentist
a paycheck a week late
overdrawn because of the clerk's mistake with my mother's account
sore everything
half-functioning laptop
a cough that won't leave
a letter i refuse to look at

things to do that i can't do
won't do
because to do so
invites anxiety
depression?
worry
perfectionism
so i collapse to cope
and call myself a failure

fighting's better
fighting fixes things
and improves my mood and outlook

but i'm just so damn weary